Some absolute peaches from ‘When Freddie Became Jesus’

Hellos, everyone!

Yes, I’ve been extremely bad and haven’t been posting a lot lately, but with exams for 2 separate qualifications (over 3 days) coming next week, can you blame me? *putting on Bopara’s puppy expression*

However, I have to tell you, Jarrod‘s ‘When Freddie Became Jesus’ sure does serve a good purpose in keeping the mind away from all your stresses (including nagging friends).

I had started reading the first couple of pages when I got it in mid-January, but, for some reason or the other, I had stopped reading beyond the first 2 pages.

However, a couple of days ago, I opened the box which contained my ‘stash’ of cricket books and, my goodness, you wouldn’t believe the carnage that took place there!

Hoggy’s hair was in a mess (Welcome to My World by Matthew Hoggard), Gilly was in tears (True Colours by Adam Gilchrist) just like he was before WACA ’06/’07, Michael Simkins was half the size he was on the cover (Fatty Batter by Michael Simkins) and Warney had his latest range of ‘Spinners’ underwears on his head (Wisden 2007).

However, amongst the rubble, there he was. Jarrod Kimber, standing tall, grabbing Freddie by his cock and compelling me to read his book. He threatened that non – compliance would lead to Freddie’s cock becoming like a squeezed orange and, so, in the interests of Rachel Flintoff, I took it out and re-started reading it.

Anywayz, got through the first 50 pages and, I have to say, I do agree with Alex when he said the following in his book review of When Freddie Became Jesus

People always talk about the swearing and the sex references when they talk about Jarrod’s writing. Jarrod himself often plays up to this, but he’s doing himself a disservice in doing so. It makes it sound gimmicky, when it’s nothing of the sort. The truth is, he’s a sharp writer and the occasional ‘fucken’ is just window dressing.

Therefore, without further ado, *drumroll*, here are those absolute gems which I promised for yesterday, but at least remembered to post today! 😛

On seeing Richie Benaud for the first time in flesh in the media box

He was so close to me that I could have turned around and licked his trouser leg. And don’t think that it didn’t cross my mind

On the difference between the previous 2 ashes and the 2009 one

Where 05 and 06/07 had greatness, 09 had Ravi Bopara and Nathan Hauritz

His opinion on the Ashes as a whole

Like I said, the Ashes series is not between the best two team in the world, but between two teams that play the Ashes. Is it too late to invite South Africa and India?

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I’m sorry mate, you overslept!

It’s nearly a week since the Ashes ended, with Ricky Ponting mounting what seemed to be a reguard till the hulk, Andrew Flintoff, swooped in with a throw that put him among the all-time favourites of all England fans, and Michael Hussey making a century at the precise moment when Australia didn’t need it!

Meanwhile, last week was really busy for me, so I couldn’t really comment much on the Ashes, so here’s what I have to say about it!

The fact that England won seemed to be a travesty to everyone! I must be the umpteenth person reciting these stats like a trained parrot, but how can a team which scored 4 times the number of centuries, the team which had the most entries in the top 5 bowlers and batsmen lose to a team which, statistically, seemed inferior?

Yes, it’s true that stats don’t tell the full story, but England winning the Ashes was all due to England putting on some top-notch performances when it really mattered. Australia overslept at the moments when they had to keep their eyes open with 2 toothpicks each!

They failed to dislodge the last pair of Monty Panesar and Jimmy Anderson in Cardiff, bowled absolute nonsense in the first session of the Lord’s test and collapsed like a pack of cards in their first innings and, in the Oval, they, again, collapsed in the first innings. It was these pivotal moments that lost them the Ashes.

Looking at these takes me back to the two Twenty20 World Cup that have taken place.

In the first one in 2007, South Africa were cruising along undefeated and, in their last second round match against eventual champs India, their batting crumbled under the pressure (choking?) and they lost the match and exited the WC. Graeme Smith was incensed, no doubt, that his team had to exit after just one loss while a team like New Zealand got through to the semis even after they lost 2 matches. Smith’s boys just didn’t raise their game when it mattered and surrendered meekly to India.

Again, in this year’s WC, they really seemed to be the team to beat till the semis when Pakistan, who had lost 2 matches earlier in comparison to SA’s unbeaten record, put up a top-class performance to knock them over.

Again, Smith and Mickey Arthur, the coach, had to look back and see what went wrong. It’s simple. Again, they didn’t raise their game when it really mattered.

Therefore, it isn’t a matter of being consistent and winning most of the time, you have to win the matches that matter.

On a final note, the same happened to India in the 2007 WC when, despite being one of the favourites for the WC, got beaten by Bangladesh and exited. Yes, Bangladesh didn’t deserve to go to the next round but, heck, they won when it mattered!

Adios!

Aussies sending spies to disrupt England Cricket!

All in English cricket, beware!

Uncle JRod is right!

Cricket Australia (CA) has sent spies to disrupt English preparations ahead of the ‘all-important’ Ashes season.

The spies, coming under the names ‘Claydon’ and ‘Thorp’ have knocked out the first 5 wickets of the MCC team, including the England hopefuls Vaughan, Key and Bell.

All is gloom and doom for the Poms!

Bring back Darren Pattinson! ;D

England have a…

….rat’s chance in hell of winning the Ashes!

Honestly, looking back to the SA tour to Australia, I thought that we might see a repeat of that series, but it now looks all bleak. Aussies are soaring sky high and don’t seem to have a limit (Mitch Johnson becomes an all-rounder, Hughes is super reliable, Sizzle gets better, the list is endless…), while England are going down, down and down! With KP deciding that he wants to have his wife for long tours, it just shows how unsatisfied he is with the whole dumping thing of him, and it really isn’t going to help as it’s a well-known fact that he is England’s ace card!